Monday, December 19, 2016

Another Christmas Song Faces Backlash

With less than a week to go until Christmas, another holiday song has found itself in the crosshairs of controversy. Last week, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was updated with new lyrics after a lengthy discussion on whether the song promoted sexual assault. This time, it is “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” that is getting extra scrutiny.

The novelty song, written in 1978 by Randy Brooks, was made famous by Elmo and Patsy. It is now under fire by a pro-hunting coalition that believes that Grandma’s demise could have been totally avoided with the correct gun and hunting laws in place. The Association of Hunting Professionals is asking for a moratorium on continued airing of the song until they can be assured that there are safety mechanisms in place to prevent further tragedies.
Courtesy Santa Claus Village

Heston Nugent, the self-avowed president of the APH, stated, “We feel that this horrible tragedy could have been averted simply by easing the restrictions on hunting. As hunters, we can keep a herd’s population in check so that they’re not running amok. Instead, we have reindeer flying all over the place causing accidents.”

Jimmy-Joe, last name not given, agreed with Nugent, “I coulda shot me a reindeer or two just last night alone. They seem to hang out in bunches of eight and sometimes nine. It would have been an easy shot from my patio.”

PETA has chimed in on the case, believing the reindeer was fully within its rights to run wild. “These are wild animals. Their place is in nature. Personally, I applaud this particular majestic beast for breaking the yoke of Santa’s oppressive servitude,” wrote Crimson Suncloud, an activist with the group.

Calls to governmental officials went unanswered as of press time. However, an anonymous source within the governor’s office queried, “I’m less concerned over the alleged overpopulation of reindeer than I am of a family who would allow a clearly inebriated elderly woman walk home alone after dark.”

Heston Nugent vows to keep up the good fight, and not let this death be in vain. “No one’s grandma should be afraid to walk the streets at night. Let us do our jobs and keep everyone safe from rogue reindeer.”

Employees at Niagara’s Watercooler have been encouraged by management to use deer and reindeer repellant when out in public. So far they’ve discovered that it works on more than just animals.