Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Winter Storms Wreak Havoc on Production

With the recent snow storm across Central New York, and the threat of more snow in the western New York area, focus has not only been on the reports of the weathermen making the storm calls, but it has also been on those in the mercantile business. Every winter storm, every hurricane forecast, and almost every summer rain shower sends certain manufacturers into frenzy as they attempt to keep up with customer demand.

According to Charmin production manager, Dick Whipple, “We always keep an eye on the weather forecast all across the nation. You never know when an event will arise that will deplete the stock on marketplace shelves. We adjust our production accordingly.”

Likewise, the PR department of Aqua-Life Spring-ish Water, stated in an email to Niagara’s Watercooler, that they “keep the taps open a little longer” when inclement weather threatens to impact various areas of the continental United States. “People want their water especially when they can’t get to it.”

It is typical in the days leading up to major storms to see news reports of bare shelves in supermarkets. This has led some SEC investigators to see if there was some sort of collusion between national weather forecasters and major corporations supplying toilet paper, water, and bread, among other staples.

“After a serious investigation, the SEC can find no connection between the International Brotherhood of Climatological Prognosticators and the industrial community,” stated Frank Dodd of the Securities and Exchange Commission.

In the meantime, the forecast of a dusting of snow across the Niagara Frontier has sent hordes of residents to the malls and stores. However, unlike other areas in the country, the Buffalo area seems to have concentrated their purchasing power in an entirely different area of the grocery store. In keeping with Jimmy Griffin’s proclamation during the Blizzard of 1985, stores in Lockport have reported that they are nearly sold out of beer.

“As the winter progresses, we’re sure to see a sharp uptick in sales of toilet paper, milk, bread, and, of course, beer. That’s just what we do,” said Bells regional manager, Danny Pernall.

Niagara’s Watercooler will keep you updated on this story as more details become available.

Craig Bacon sent George out for some staples, namely beer, pretzels, and toilet paper. George has still not returned. Employees at the Watercooler visited George’s house. No one answered the door, but curtains moved and empty rolls of TP littered the front yard.