Monday, September 26, 2016

Dictionary to Change Some Definitions

Editors at Mirriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionary have reached a new agreement on some of the words listed in their pages for the 2017 update. This latest business is an addendum to the early session that oversaw the addition of “biatch,” “YOLO,” and “moobs,” and is an attempt to streamline the English language in a digital world.

In a stunning turn, the editors have determined that the usages of “their,” “there,” and “they’re,” along with “you’re,” “your,” “were,” “we’re,” and “where” will no longer be segregated by individual definitions. Instead, they will be interchangeable.

“We’ve seen a growing trend, especially among the users of Facebook and Twitter, of people being unable to differentiate between the correct usages of the words required. Therefore, we’ve decided to just allow people to use them any way they please,” said Mirriam-Webster spokesperson, Peter Zurria.

“I love the change! OMG! It, like, gives me more freedom with my words,” a gleeful Candi Andress exclaimed when reporters told her the news. “I have to text my friends!”

While this news may be met with open arms among some people, there has been a terrific outcry over the news as it was leaked over the last few days.

“We’re rewarding ignorance and laziness,” bemoaned Missy Peller, a kindergarten teacher from Asbury Park, NJ.

“The rest of the world already views Americans as fat, dumb, and lazy. This just seals the deal,” said Joe Plumber of Ohio.

Changing the definitions of words is nothing new. Several years ago, the definition of “literally” was changed to also mean “figuratively” for similar reasons. So many people were using the word incorrectly that it was simply easier to change the definition than to educate the public to the correct usage.

“This is figuratively the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” said George Root with regard to both sets of changes in the dictionaries. “Are you serious?” he asked us several times before walking away, shaking his head.

The new definitions and usages of the above mentioned words will take effect January 1, 2017.

Craig Bacon literally hopes you don’t loose your mind over this article. But if you do, be sure their’s a friend there to pat your back and say “They’re, there, their” to ease your concerns.